I wish my college campus wasn’t right next to the park we went to when we broke up. I had an anxiety attack before I even got out of my car for my first class.
Things will get better.
I’m feeling okay for a second right now. Hearing you tell me you’re still here and not going anywhere made me feel a lot better. But you’ll always be the one who got away.
Now that I have a second to lay here and breathe, I just want to say how thankful I am for the people in my life. Over the past week my best friends have rubbed my back while I’ve cried, bought me my favorite food even when I’ve told them not to, sat with me in a Dunkin Donuts bathroom while holding me and telling me to count my breaths while having an anxiety attack, left flowers and a card on my car while I was at work, let me do whatever I’ve needed to do to feel better (good and bad things), and have checked up on me every single day. I am so blessed to have the people that I have in my life.
I don’t feel like a person. I don’t feel right. I don’t feel alive.
I need to constantly be around people to feel okay. I need to take medicine or poison my body to lessen my anxiety. I have to lie to the people who love me just to get by without causing others to feel worried about me. But I am worried about me.